): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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