dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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