Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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