Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
