Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
