I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
