Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize