We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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