after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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