what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
