Welp...herpes.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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