Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
