Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
