I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
