I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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