there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
