i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
