From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
