Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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