Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
