Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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