Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
