i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
