we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
