don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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