I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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