and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
They have beer where we have blood.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
