her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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