But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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