all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
