I think my vagina is haunted
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This toilet bowl is my home.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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