I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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