it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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