so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
