What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
