We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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