ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
This house was built for laser tag.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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