Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
