Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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