I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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