I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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