i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
