Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
