He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
