in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
