It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
A bitchslap is in order.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
