another moral hangover. fuck.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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