Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
