"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
