On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
