GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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