alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize