my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Floor bacon is actually really good
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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