I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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