Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
