i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
