Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
