I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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