I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
