Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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