Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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