Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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