Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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