Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
