Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
this hospital has no fireball
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize