he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
