I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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