I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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