1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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