He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
