we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
