he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
