I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
being pregnant is like rehab
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
