I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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