oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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