you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
