You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i think i scared a bird with my dick
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
