It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
