NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
